Thursday, September 1, 2016

Goodbye, My Almost Lover


Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me


Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do


We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So now you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?


Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do


I may regret doing what I am doing right now. But I think this is the best and only way for me to cop with these heartbreak. I am done being an option. I want to be someone's priority. I want to be with someone who value my worth and not only see me as an alternative when they're lonely. I don't want to be used anymore. I am not a toy. I have feelings and I have to start to take care of my heart. I want someone who love me with all their heart and would fight to be with me. Because I'd do all that.

I'm sorry. I don't know if things are gonna be like they used to. I hope you understand. Please gimme some time to mend my heartbreak. Just a simple message from you could do me so much harm, and I need to overcome that.

I am not that strong. I am weak. You are one of my greatest weakness and you are toxic to me.

When I'm done healing, maybe we can be like the good old times. I don't know. We'll see. 

Monday, August 29, 2016

Quarter Life Crisis

Recently I've heard about the quarter life crisis, which is a term I've never heard, or even know existed before but since someone has use it so it's legit, I guess?

Well, back to the problem. My quarter life crisis is none other than...MARRIAGE. At this age, people would want to know about when will I get married? Have I met the one? Who I'm dating right now? That sort of questions.

Even my mom. Everytime she calls me, she would end her conversation with, 

"So macam mana? Dah ada boyfriend belum?...oh belum ke? Takpe lah, sabar je, yang terbaik akan datang"

At first I don't feel a thing. I'm not mad if people ask me about marriage because for me it's just a question, people are just being curious. But when your mom started asking you THE question, it's kinda get to you, you know. 

Honestly, I feel bad for my mom. I know she really wants to see me get married. She just couldn't wait to celebrate my wedding, to finally give me to someone she believes could take care of me when she and my dad couldn't anymore. I feel bad that I can't give that to her yet. I love her, with all my heart, but this is something that I couldn't give to her. Not yet. If I could, I surely would. But it's not something within my control.

Also, somehow I think I'm quite traumatized when it comes to marriage. It sounds scary since there are a few crumbled marriages happened to the people I know, to the people who are very dear to me, to those who I happened to know personally. It somehow scarred me.

I knew someone who caught his husband cheating on another woman while she was pregnant and later learned the fact that her husband has been cheating all the way throughout their 6 years of marriage with different women. I know a friend who got divorced after two months of marriage. Another dear friend of mine who cancelled her wedding two months before the event because she finally realized that she's gonna marry a jerk. A closed family friend who realized she was married to a meth addict after 8 years and two kids together. Also, a friend, a closed friend, someone who I love so dearly, heartbreakingly cheated on his fianceĆ© despite the fact that they are getting married in two months time from now, and his fianceĆ© knew nothing about it. 

These, the stories of failed relationships and marriage. It scares me. It made me think if I were to get married, but it didn't add on to my happiness, only to my sorrow...then what's the point of it then?

I dont want to get married just because my friends are getting married. I don't want to be married just because I've been in the relationship for too long. I'm afraid that I would fall in love with the wrong people because somehow I feel like I'm prone to do so.

I'm not saying the failed relationships and marriages are anyone's fault. No one wants to be in that kind of situations, but I'm just afraid.

I'd rather wait for the right person at the right time than meeting the right person at the wrong time, or meeting the wrong person at the right time, or worst, wrong person, wrong timing. 

I hope, I wish, and I pray that I'll meet the right person soon, and may luck to be on my side, that the right timing would be soon too, I pray. 

As for now, I think I'm doing okay. I think I'll do just fine. Single life ain't that bad. It gets lonely at times, but most of the time, I'm doing okay. 

Jomblo happy!