Monday, March 7, 2011

Maybe this is the Bipolarity Talking,


I always want to be a fighter. Not a fighter, like a rebel teenager, no, just a fighter, the person who fights to live. I want to live as a fighter, I want to be the person who fights for her own happiness, who fights for what she wants, fight for everything, everything that is right for her.

But, I'm not a fighter.

I'm more to a spectator. I watched. I don't do anything, I don't fight when I see people leaving, I don't fight when I lose control of the situation, but that does not mean I surrender, I just ... I just don't know what to do.

When everything is falling apart, I just hold to myself, I keep telling myself that God is there, God is with you, look around, but I keep falling. I am just not strong enough. I don't know what is wrong with me, I don't know what is the thing that make me sad, I don't know why I feel sad. Maybe this is the bipolarity talking, but seriously, what should I do ?

I really wish I am a fighter, I really hope I have my armor with me, I really hope I am strong enough to fight every unease feelings, I really really really want to.

It's true what Fithri Natasha wrote, I've pushed people away, I've built wall, now I'm trapped inside, hoping someday, I'd finally be the fighter who I wanna be, who really stands on her own feet, who fights for her own right, who knows her priorities, having the strongest heart, and could finally crashed the wall so I could see the rainbows again.

I hope that someday would come really soon.



the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Maybe you haven't found anything worth fighting for yet?

mireya said...

Maybe, if that's the case, I'll keep on searching ! :)