Saturday, June 11, 2016

Ada Apa Dengan Closure

I watched Ada Apa Dengan Cinta 2 (AADC2).

Honestly, I just finished watching Ada Apa Dengan Cinta (AADC) two weeks before the second movie was released.

Well, AADC2 is said to be about closure. We want to know what happened to the love story between Rangga and Cinta. Are they together? Are they married? Have little kids together? Or reality hits them hard that their love story is not rainbows and ponies as we've hoped for?

And yes, AADC2 is about closure. Closure for the fans, for those 12 year old kids who watched it when it was first aired in the cinema, to those 16 year old high school sweethearts back in 2002 who thought they could conquer the world together.

AADC2 sure brought back so many memories, puppy loves, first love, flings, and crushes.

Well, as for me, I'm not into closure. I don't see why people need closure. I am comfortable leaving and people walked away from me without closure. I don't need to know why, I just need to know if you're leaving for good, or if I am leaving for good.

We could be friends for 10 years and I'd be okay with the fact that you suddenly go silent for 2 years without explanation and resurfaced just to tell me that you got married in 5 stars hotel without inviting me and currently living in a 3-story bungalows with 3 beautiful kids.

Or we could be in a relationship for 3 years when you suddenly decided that we should stop seeing each other and left me heartbroken and never returned. Just tell me that you're leaving, and I'd be okay.

Or if you suddenly decided to tell me that you love me and you want me after we have been in a platonic friendship for 5 years, and I'd be okay if the next day you decided that you no longer have feelings for me. And if we meet in the elevator the following day, I could still smile to you the way I'd smile to a stranger, only sweeter. Or we may still talk like nothing have happened.

Or I could be friends with you, taking you to a walk every evening because I know that's what you need when you are feeling heartbroken and I'd be okay to leave you when I knew you have recovered.

I could be your friend when you are in dire need, and I am okay if you leave me when you no longer need me.

I am a doormat. I let myself be a doormat. Leave me, and I'd be okay. I don't need reasons. I just need your assurance. Are you leaving for good? Or will you come back?

You could get married and not invite me even we've been friends since we were 10 years old but if you decide to come back as a friend, I just need to know are you going to stay or you only need me when you need my council?

You could leave me heartbroken after three years of wonderful relationship without saying why, without telling me if it's because you have another woman waiting for you, or you finally found out that I am too boring for you, or you think I'm no longer pretty. I just need to know are you leaving for good? Is our relationship has finally come to an end? Can I move on now, can I be with someone else, am I no longer under your shadows and can I safely remove you from my heart?

You could tell me that you no longer have feelings for me even after you just told me that you are in love with me the night before, that you've been developing feelings for me in the 5 years we've been friends and decided that the feelings have faded overnight. And I'm okay if you still want to remain friends. I just need to know is the feelings truly dead? Are we just friends now? Can we go back to being platonic? Can I be with someone else without you sabotaging my future relationship with your sudden confession?

I could walk away from your life the moment I think I'm no longer relevant without asking for your permission, without discussing the matter with you. Without asking if it's okay if I leave when I see you recovering.

I don't want to know why you're leaving. I don't have to listen to you telling me that all you know is you woke up in the morning and decided that I am no longer special you.

I don't need your explanation because all I know is YOU ARE LEAVING. YOU LEFT.

But I need to know if you're leaving for good. Or if you come back, I need to know if you're staying. Even if you're unsure, just tell me so I know you could be gone anytime soon, so I know that I'm dealing with a ticking time bomb.

I need assurance. Explanation only leads to attachment. I don't want to get attached. That's why I'm okay with people leaving, because I'm not attached to them.

Even if we've been in relationship, it doesn't really mean that I'm attached to you. We could be super platonic friends, but doesn't me that I'm hooked.

But there are few people in my life that got in the exclusive list. People that I knew I could depend on them. I want to be attached to them. My support system.

Because these people, I knew they would stay. And if they suddenly decide to leave, they would let me know why, they'd provide closure.

And for that, I thanked them.

But to you, to the others, I need you to know that I'm okay. Don't spare my feelings. Don't look at me with pity.

Just give me my goodbyes. They are my closure.
I need them so I can move on with my life.

Well, it seems contradicting now. I need my closure.

But not the elaborated one. Yes.

*I'm sorry the post seem pointless, but I need to rant. Recently I was feeling emotional out of the blue and I need to vent and this is my ranting.

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