a letter for M

M,

it's not that long that we've known each other. and, don't worry coz we got the whole few years ahead to get to know each other better.

but,
i don't think that's kinda good idea.

at first, i thought u are the nicest person (so far) i've meet here, in utp. u always be such a sweetheart to me. with all your help, your care, and the way u treat me, it just felt so good.

i almost thank God that i met you.

then, u prove me wrong.

it's not that i had a thing for you. it's really don't. please don't misunderstood my kindness or the way i treat you. i'm a friendly person. that's what friendly person do. okay, M?

M,

i hate it when u kept saying bout how good you are, about how naive you are, about how all these things that happened around you make you feel insecure and afraid that you gonna change to be worse than who you are now.

i also hate the fact that you always telling me that you not that good (even you just told me that you are a good person) or somehow to be jokingly asking me out.

that's not cool. and that's not funny either.

you always wanted to give me an impression. i realize that. well, it's not just me, all of my friends notice that. you don't do it purposely on me, but to other people also. what's your motives M? i don't understand.

seriously, i don't.

i've told you that you are a serious person. u don't know how to joke. u don't even know how to differentiate between jokes and serious matter. u bore me, M.

u denied that fact. instead, u give me all the facts that your friends told you that you're not serious but a funny person. u even had him told me directly to my face that you're not serious and you know how to jokes around.

and, you successfully annoyed me.

congratulations.

yesterday night, you told me that maybe you wouldn't talk to me. because you wanted to be yourself since i told you to change, grow up, and be a different person. you said that it's not that you're offended or what, it just that is the 'real' you.

what is the real you? 'M-who-don't-talk-to-mira' is the real you, isn't it?

admit it M, u have to change. u don't have to be a wannabe.

you don't listen to the music that we listen to? it's okay.
just stick to whatever music that you currently listening to.

you don't have your special someone to rely on to? it's okay.
just be cool with the fact that you're single and happily accept it and just wait for the right moment. don't bitch around saying you hate seeing the 'coupling scenery' at the cafe or what.

cause i know, deep down, you're jealous. and you look pathetic when you bitch bout it.

just accept that your friends have their own special partner, and you don't. just be happy with it. you're not gonna die alone and pathetic, believe me. just be happy.
okay?

M,

i'm sorry for the fact that i've been such a bitch to you lately. but that's me. i say what i wanna say. i've filtered it somehow. but,u still considered me bitching you even my besties told me that i'm too soft on you.

imagine if i just be me and hit you hard like a real slut? surely you gonna cry and hate me for the rest of your life.

but, i'm a human. and i know how a human feels when they're in your shoes.i'm gonna be soft on you.

cause i know that you're 'that' fragile.

happily be yourself, M. i'm here if you need anything. if you want me to console you, i'd be here ready to console you. any advice on appearance? i'd be right here telling what to wear and what's not. anything, i'm here.

just to help you. my friend.

not-so-sincere,
mireya.