Saturday, September 12, 2009

mood mellow ; aku kibar bendera putih aku, S.

i am not the kind of girl who chase after boy i like. i would like to do so, but it's just i don't have the guts and the courage. i am a girl with a lot of ego. yeah, i am egoistic lil biatch babeh.

the reason why i don't want to chase after the guy i like is, i do not know how to make the first move. cause i might look like a psycho, obsessed, or a desperate groupie. and i don't want that to happen.

now, i've met the boy i truly like, the boy i had my eyes on, the boy i really wanted to have commitment with, the right person at the right moment. and for the first time ever, i made a move, i forget about my ego, i just want to get to know him better.

the flow was nice, it was superb and unexpected. i enjoyed every moment i had with him. even the moments weren't not many to count, but it really could make me smile every time i think about it. i might sound typical girl in love, but well, i guess i am only a typical girl by the way.

we had almost everything in common, i mean, the common interest, we could talk about it for hours and it was fun.

but, i made a wrong move. i did not show my interest very well and there he goes, getting far day by day and now, he almost seem unreachable.

i tried to make everything back to normal again. yes, i admit, we do not have any special relationship, we don't even let each other know how each of us feels. it's just, you know, friends.

he was ordinary, so ordinary, but very special to me. he is not like any other guys out there. he was being himself all this while. being funny, joking around, humorous tales, acting pervert, being a gentle man, and it was adorable to my eyes. indeed.

somehow i think i should just keep the CDs and shouldn't return it until he ask for it. but, thanks to the CDs, we have the chance to sit and ate together. it was nostalgic and unexpected. i might not show it to him, but deep inside, i was damn happy and i want the clock to stop ticking, i want time to freeze so i could spent more time with him.

i love what he did to make the table stop shaking, it was cute, and sweet, and show how gentle man he is. ;)

anyways, things have become history. i just couldn't turn back time. and i could never win his heart again.

well, he might be liking some other girls at the moment. and im not that special girl. i wish him happy by the way.

i don't feel like giving up yet, but i think this is the time i should just call it off. i know where to stop, and this is the right moment.

S @ HB, aku tahu kau tak akan baca post ni pun. kalau kau baca pun, kau tak tahu aku tengah bercerita tentang kau. dol, aku suka kau la. kalau tak, tak ada masa aku nak tegur kau tak tentu hala tau.

aku suka panggil kau dengan nama S, nama penuh kau. sebab nama itu sangat sweet and sedap. sesuai dengan kau. nama pena kau pun comel. kau teruskan lah berkarya ye, aku sokong kau dari belakang. aku mungkin tak sepuitis kau, aku mungkin tak reti nak luahkan perasaan aku. but i know how to write, and this is how aku luahkan perasaan aku.

i might sound pathetic, and i do care bout what you're thinking. i am a human after all, a typical girl who writes mellow things in her blog, who wrote her heart out, and i dont want to be different, cause i somehow just realized that i am soo ordinary. well, i'm just being a girl who has feelings and and feels like to speak her heart out.

and this blog has somehow turned personal and mellow.

durh. semua pasal kau, S.

- comment disabled. i'm not ready for any advises and critics. kalau nak komen jugak, komen di post lain atau chatbox. ;) -

p/s ; S, setiap kali aku dengar lagu Aku dan Kamu by Javidnamah, aku mesti teringat kau. you know why, sebab kau suka lagu tu. ;)