Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Saya sebagai manusia yang paranoid.


Dulu parents saya kena pergi umrah selama dua minggu and to be exact actually this happened waktu cuti semester my foundation second.

So, sementara my parents pergi umrah di Mekah menunaikan ibadat kepada yang Maha Esa, saya dan adik ditinggalkan di rumah berdua-duaan. Berani kan kitorang? Yeaahhhh TERBAEKKK!

Tapi, apa yang saya nak cerita kat sini is not me and my brother being brave staying at home alone. NO! It's about me, being paranoid me. YES I AM PARANOID. Take note so that you would know how to kill me. I tell you I'm so paranoid that I could die due to paranoia. SERIOUSLY.

First of all, since me, being a girl or should I say young lady? HAHA. Right, young sexy lady at home sangat menakutkan. Especially bila waktu malam sebab my mom always told me yang my housing area is full with bastards BURGLARS. Scary much eh? Memang sumpah menakutkan bila tiap-tiap malam tidur fikir sama ada malam tu akan ada perompak masuk rumah nak mencuri ke apa ke. Takut kan? Takut kan? Damn I could pee in my pants bila teringat kalau ada perompak bastards yang masuk rumah nak merompak.

So, as usual, me being a paranoia, I have came up with a plan on how to selamatkan diri if those bastards datang nak merompak.

Actually I'm more afraid of BEING RAPE. Sebab apa kau ingat perompak-perompak tu datang nak merompak je ke? Kalau dia nampak aku yang time tu sangat vulnerable and helpless plus the only guy in the house is my bro yang kurus dan muka macam budak kecik for sure I wont be that safe yo. Oh bro, no I'm not looking down on you I know you are brave as hell tapi aku tetap takut dengan perompak yang boleh berubah bila-bila masa sahaja menjadi perogol yang gila seks.

So, back to the story of my plans. Thank you to my parents sebab sediakan satu peti televisyen yang besar gabak bersaiz dua puluh sembilan inci and mind you this is not plasma TV but it is the television that has been produced in 1996 so boleh tak you all semua imagine how big that TV is? And that TV was in my room and still is and it could function macam TV biasa masih cantek and bertenaga YEAAAHHH! Memang kualiti terbaekk.

So, this TV setiap malam saya akan tolak dia sekali dengan meja dan apa jadah yang ada kat atas tv or bawah meja ke belakang pintu to prevent people from outside my door room from entering my room.

YEAH.

Mind you, EVERY FREAKING FOURTEEN DAYS I pushed that super heavy TV to the back of my door. EVERY FREAKING FOURTEEN DAYS.

And tell you what? I suffer form back-ache since then. Yeah I blame that activity of pushing that bloody hell TV that seriously could save my life from being raped for my back-ache. But that's okay, anything for my life. :)

But that alone is not enough. I'll always make sure that every night, mind you again, EVERY NIGHT before I went to sleep I would bring along my kitchen knife. To be exact, THE SHARPEST KITCHEN KNIFE MY HOUSE HAS.

Yeah baby, yeahhhh!

Why, you ask? Sebab saya always imagine that if that perompak is super kuat and he could always sense the presence of young hot sexy lady in the house and sure waktu tu dia akan super horny and jadi super kuat that he could just tolak my big ass TV and enter my room and seeing me helpless tak tahu nak buat apa and before I could scream for help maybe they already ...... Ah I dont want you to imagine anything porn about me yo pervs!

So, that knife would be very much help indeed. I could stab them in their boncet belly or kelar leher dorang so they would end their life macam lembu atau ayam yang kena sembelih and mati menggelupur in front of my eyes with blood spread all over my room. MUAHHHAHHAHA!

OR

To be more drama and tragic, I could just cut off his penis/ dick/ member/ or whatever names you want to call that fugly meat.

Biar kau mati and kalau hidup pun biar tak ada zuriat so tak ada lah anak perangai haram macam kau dilahirkan di dunia ni yo!

Yeah, that was me being all paranoid. And I think what I have done was also reasonable sebab HEY siapa yang tak takut kena tinggal DUA MINGGU dengan parents and all helpless and vulnerable sebab tak ada sesiapa yang dewasa as in lelaki dewasa yang boleh berlawan dengan perompak and perogol in case dorang break in kan? KAAANNN???

And hell yeah, saya tak tulis dalam blog pun about me being left alone kat rumah for two weeks waktu tu sebab saya risau if perompak zaman sekarang dah jadi bijak pandai and celik IT so they would trace my IP adress and dapatkan my address and go like,

"Dude, aku jumpa satu rumah yang ada anak dara and mak bapak dia tak de yo sebab pergi umrah and dia tinggal dengan adik dia je yo. Adik dia pulak baru tujuh belas yo so senang yo kita boleh rompak and kenduri dia yo!!"


LIKE OHMYGOD!

Scaryyyy muchhhhhhhhhhhh bebeh!!



And Alhamdulillah Thank God I am still alive and yeah no burglars. Alhamdulillah.


But to tell you something, I somehow and sometimes still sleep with a knife beside me.



Paranoia leads to being a psycho I guess. Durh. Still, SAFETY FIRST DUDEE!!



Random Updates : I am now addicted to this blog yeah thanks to Elya for introducing this blog to me. I couldn't stop reading it since. And I am down to her first post. I've got another 113 entries to read and yeah I think if she held a test I SERIOUSLY could score 100 points full mark bebeh! Haha I love this blog - it has helped me add up my swear words dictionary HAHA! But, IT IS HELLA FUN! You guys should try reading it too!!!

And durh, I guess lack of activities make me go all productive to post an entry a day. HAHA! Thanks to two months holidaysss babeh!

.

9 comments:

Tam said...

nanti da kawen,u bawak pisau tuh skali ek masuk tido :P

mireya said...

ofkos. nak bunuh my husband. in case i kawen dgn org tua kaya and i nak harta dia! haha

or i married a pussy. durh.

ashrdzn said...

kalau perompak/perogol/penyangak guna mandrem, how?
haaa haaaa haaaaaaaaa.

Tam said...

haha.ape kes nk bunuh husbnd.pnat2 kawen,da bunoh plak.
better u bunuh madu u kalo u kawen dgn suami org. :P

joegrimjow said...

stuju yg bawah
xde benda nak buat blog jadikan diri buhsan

mireya said...

joe : tau tak peee.

Tam :
durh buat ape nak bunuh madu? hidup bermadu kena lah berharmoni. apa barang mahu bunuh2.

Ashrdzn :
HAHA. tak pikir pulak yang ituuu!! damn son.

Anysz said...

LOLL.dh mcm psiko. HAHA

miss eLyA =) said...

haha omg never have i seen SUCH a paranoid WOMAN! damn son! haha

oh oh see that blog is like super awesome shit kan kan? best giler nk mampos. lagi best dari f*****n******* ;)

mireya said...

Anysz : HAHA! tu laa mati laa aku saiko.

Elya : memang best! terbaekkk! haha
perlu la kan nak letak star star kn? but both for me is worth reading. story msig2 laaa.

i loike! ;)