Friday, September 20, 2013

20. Your Fears

One of my fears is to be lonely. To be alone in walking in this journey called life. I can’t deny the fact that I love being alone. I enjoy solitude. Ironic isn’t it? I love being alone, but I don’t want to be alone and lonely. Well, alone and lonely is two different things. I can’t stand the thought of me, being completely alone without anyone to rely on.

I am a very dependent person. Well, not completely, depends on the situation. Despite my love of solitude, I can say that I too, enjoy company. I like being surrounded by people that I love and care about, like families and friends. And sometimes, when I’m taking my time being alone, I’d like to know that there is someone (at least) out there that would always be there for me. Someone I can go home to, someone I know that would always be ready to listen to my ramblings and someone that would just be there. No words spoken, no nothing, just be there. For me. That’s the kind of solitude I want, but that’s what I’m afraid of too. Of not having that kind of person exists in my life.

And I’m afraid of these too. I’m afraid that somehow, people would grow tired of me and leave me. I’m afraid of getting hurt. I fear that someday, the people I love would leave me. Leaving me alone and shocked. I'm afraid of opening up to people. I’m afraid to love. I don’t want to get hurt.

Indeed, I’m afraid of lots of things.

That, and buasir. 

Yes, one of many diseases I fear, buasir is definitely on top of the list. Imagine your inside is hanging by your ass? Imagine everytime you have to poop, you’ll bleed? Imagine the pain you have to go through to put back whatever that hangs on your ass back to where it belongs? Oh God. No. NAUZUBILLAHIMINZALIK!

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