So sambung cerita...
When i was taken to the hospital tu, the first thing they do lepas all those tarik nafas and blood pressure test tu, they were asking for my urine. So dengan segala kesusahan waktu tu sebab nak berjalan pun I feel like ada kaca dalam perut yang berlanggar langgar dengan segala usus dan rektum(?) dan hati dan rahim dan uterus, maka sampai la I to the toilet. Mind you, toilet tu kat luar ward okay so far awaayyy and bila dah sampai dalam toilet tu and when I was trying to produce the urine...
Nadai. Zilch. None.
Apa pun tak kuaq. So I went back to the assistant and told him I can't produce urine because I just peed before so he was like, "Okay, you wait here"
And long story short, they send me to the observation room and asked me to wait there until I feel like peeing then give them the urine.
So I wait.
You know what, I think pain makes you stupid. You know why? I was waiting in that room for almost three hours and the room was like freezing cold while watching the person next to my bed menderita sakit and even one of the patient dah checked out sebab dah habis masukkan air dalam badan for God knows what disease she had and I'm still lying there waiting to pee while I can easily ask for water because with that kind of temperature I could easily pee a bottle of water with only drinking a glass of water which I only did after three hours.
Three freaking hours! Aku sempat tidur dalam sakit sakit macam tuuu lepas bangun tidur tu sempat komplen sejuk gila bilik tu pastu tidur balik then lepas bangun lagi sekali baru aku teringat kenapalah aku tak mintak nak minum air weh kenapa kenapa kenapa??
So sakit memang membuatkan anda jadi bodoh. Hah.
So I asked a glass of water thanks to Afiqah and Sakinah yang tolong mintakkan from the nurses. After minum tu tak sampai 10 minit I was practically running to the toilet to pee.
And I straight away give them the urine they were waiting for. Nak sangat kan? Hah, nah...ambik! Test lah cepat pastu bagi aku ubat I'm dyinggggggg right nowwww!
Gittew...drama sangat kan.
So tak sampai dua puluh minit, my urine test pon siap! Hah, pantas kan? Yeszaa but jam waktu tu telah pun menunjukkan 4 pagi ye rakan rakan. And pity my friends yang kena tunggu I waktu tu. Sorry friends, thank you and I love you all. Tibah.
Okay now the interesting part...
Bila my urine test was out, of course la I am very eager to know the result because I can't wait to go back and sambung berjimba with my friends until I heard the assistant nurse (AN) said these words to me...
"Dik, awak mengandung"
Did you just told me that I'm pregnant? MENGANDUNG??
"Ha? Macam mana boleh mengandung? Saya bukan buat apa apa"
"Mana saya tahu, awaklah"
Eh, wajjaq nya mulut perempuan ni. You shouldn't talk to me like that okay! I'm your client! Lepas tu this AN sambung lagi... Yes, she has a lot to say to me for my 'pregnancy' okayyyy.
"Saya yang dah tiga tahun kahwin ni pun susah nak dapat result macam ni tau (mengandung)"
Eh melampaunya makhluk sekor ni aku cepok mulut tu kang baru kau tahu nasib kau lah kau takde rezeki ke tak subur ke apa ke atau sebab mulut kau jahat sangat kot tu yang susah nak lekat tu agaknya kan... tapi because my perut still hurts so I just denied everything but at the same time terfikir lah jugak mana lah tau I ever did anything kaaannnn..
But no, nauzubillah.
Anyhow, that AN skank still has something to say, indeed she has a lot to say okaaaayyyy! After she went out for a while to show the result to the doctors, she came back into the room and told me,
"Jum, doktor nak scan perut awak. Mungkin awak sakit perut ni sebab awak mengandung luar rahim"
Amboi dramanya! Dah lah aku tetibe mengandung takdek bapak lepas tu tetibe luar rahim pulak dah? Todia boleh buat cerekarama TV3 hari Sabtu uols.
"Tapi kak, saya tak mengandung. Bagi saya air, saya nak minum. Lepas tu kita buat urine test lagi sekali"
"Tak boleh, air takde. Kalau nak, kena pergi beli air sendiri kat luar. Sekarang ni jom buat scan dulu, jap lagi ada orang nak x-ray"
Okay by this time, sumpah aku puzzled gila dengan hospital ni. Kepala hotak dia takde air? Kau kan ada pantry, takkan air segelas pun takde? Kenapa susah sangat nak percaya aku tak mengandung? Suka hati je tolak my demand for another urine test because air takde! Mentang mentang lah I was weak and helpless and suspected mengandung luar nikah which is wrong so u can treat me this way lah?
You are not God, so who are you to judge me then?
So I was taken to see the doctor. The doctors are male and sorang tu muka dia macam Ajay Devgan. Serius, nampak handsome okay.
So while they were inspecting my tummy and putting the gel all over it while lagi sorang tu pulak tengah sibuk masukkan air to my lengan because apparently you can't see the zygote or the baby inside if your bladder is not full.
Haaa, tadi kata takde air kan nak bagi aku minum so that aku boleh kencing so masukkan lah air dalam badan aku bagi bladder aku penuh sebab nak tengok the non-existent baby dalam perut aku tu. Ha buat lah sila lah ye sila silaa.
During the procedure I was bombarded with the questions like these; and those were my answers:
"Awak pernah have sex?"
"Never. I never had any sexual relationship"
Another doctor asked,
"Awak pernah ada boyfriend?"
"Last year, 2012 but now takde"
Then ada seorang lagi doktor, perempuan datang to check my condition. And again, another Q&A session:
"You pernah have sex, or have any penetration?"
"No, never. Tak pernah"
Then doktor laki tadi nak buat palatauu tunjuk pandai macam dia tau semua pasal my non-existent sexual life aku terus menyampuk,
"But you've had boyfriend before,"
Aaahhh bodohnyaaa! Bodoh abadi yang aku tak boleh terima lantas telah merangsang ketinggian vokalkuu,
"Yes, I've had boyfriend before but I tak buat apa apa dengan my boyfriend!"
Hah kau terus diam! Terus sambung tengok monitor nak carik baby. Hah carik lah baby tu carikkk jangan tak carik buat la treasure hunt guna scanning equipment korang tu. Silakan, silakan...
"I couldn't find anything. Kena bawak pergi test ultrasound ni"
"No, there must be something. This is a miracle!"
Okay, wow! That escalated quickly!
Tetiba aku jadi macam Maryam pulak kan, mengandung tak berbapak. Melampau tau doktor doktor ni. Sebab aku rasa benda ni boleh diselesaikan dengan mengambil another urine test, so I asked the female doctor the same question that I've asked the AN,
"Can I get another urine test?"
"No, kita takde air untuk diminum sekarang. You have to buy it outside. Plus, it's not possible since u cakap tadi u tak boleh kencing kan?"
Eh bodoh kalau bagi aku minum air, aku boleh kencinglah gilaaaaaaa! Korang dah kenapa sampai tak boleh nak bagi patient minum air ni? Kalau ada patient tersedak memang boleh mati agaknya sebab low water supply. Hospital tu bukan kat tanah gersang pon kau dah kenapa laaahh gilaaaa bagi je lah aku minum air!!
And then suddenly the AN puaka comes to me and took me outside. She brought along a chair with her and I was walking while holding the dripping water still attached to my arm.
She said to me,
"Kat dalam tu ada orang tengah buat x-ray. Orang mengandung dan suspected mengandung tak boleh duduk dalam"
And then she sat on the chair. Mind you, I am the patient, I am the one they suspected carrying a baby in my womb, or in my case, outside my womb, and I am the one who can't barely stand for the pain in my tummy just got worse as time passes by while having to hold the dripping water which didn't flow very well making my arm bengkak like I was having penyakit untut or something, and she, the healthy ones, gets to SIT on the chair!
And suddenly her puaka mouth got something to say,
"Tapi dik, kau jangan risau. Kau boleh pilih, nak simpan ke, nak buang"
Waktu ni aku memang rasa nak carutkan aje perempuan sekor ni. Kau dah kenapa nak advise aku benda bukan bukan macam ni? Nak kena tampar? Anyway, kalau aku mengandung pun, it's not your right to judge me. What if I was pregnant because I've been raped? Kenapa judged me to that extend? Not allowing me to sit while I am actually the patient, and advising me like I have no morale or religion? Just because you think I've committed a sin, just because you think I am pregnant with a child out of wedlock, does not make you any better than me and you have to remember, as someone who works in a hospital, your job is to serve me so I'll get treated for my disease, not judging me and giving me those stupid advise!
But of course I didn't say that to her because waktu tu perut aku memang dah sakit gila daaahhh like I just didn't care apa yang perempuan tu nak fikir pasal aku time tu.
After that I was taken to maternity room for ultrasound. And the same question about having a boyfriend and whether I have had any sexual relationship were asked.
Okay, honestly I get it that ramai teenagers luar sana yang pregnant out of wedlock. But if I insist and demand another test, can't you just do that? Can you?
So the doctor asked whether I've been raped (nauzubillah) or whether I've experienced waking up without clothes and not be able to remember anything and as usual I told her, no.
And then again the doctor blamed my bladder for not being full enough since they couldn't see any meat/zygote near my womb/uterus.
Of course lah takde, the baby is non-existent!
Later, she told me that she wanted to insert the equipment with camera to see my womb and the baby but then she added, since I told her I never had any sexual relationship or any penetration which basically means that I am still a virgin, so she wouldn't do that.
And I thanked her for that even the way she told me that sounds so very sarcastic. But whatever.
Then since all the doctors were so puzzled for they couldn't find the baby yang salah parking kat luar rahim tu, they finally decide that I should take Beta-HCG(?) test. This test was to see my blood count. If I were pregnant, the counts would be thousands but if I were not pregnant, the number would only be in single digit.
But, nak tunggu result blood test tu bukan seminit dua ye diknon, it took at least three hours and at the time the clock showed that it was nearly 8 AM and I have to be warded while waiting for the result.
Shit just got serious. This means I have to tell my parents that I am warded. So I took out my phone and call my mom.
"Hello, assalamualaikum ibu. Ibu, akak nak bagitahu ni, akak kena warded kat hospital. Akak sakit perut malam tadi, and bila pergi hospital dorang kata urine test akak positive. They suspected me for pregnant luar rahim. But now kena warded sebab nak tunggu blood test to confirm"
Boleh imagine tak perasaan mak aku bila dapat tau orang kata satu satunya anak dara dia ni mengandung? Luar nikah, luar rahim pulak tu. And since I know mak aku tak boleh terima berita yang dahsyat macam tu so I have to tell her very slowly even I know she, at the other end must already sweating like crazy and her heart must already racing that I honestly pray that nothing bad would happen to her.
And plus, because my relationship with my mother is soo good that we are kamching like best friends, so she actually believe me that I did not do anything wrong that I did not actually pregnant.
I love my mom for believing me. Thank you mommy.
So my parents cepat cepatlah datang to visit me in the hospital while I was warded in the maternity room together with other mothers yang tengah labour due.
Such an experience!
Ha waktu dalam maternity ward ni, I was alone sebab my friends dah balik. They've been waiting for me for quite some time so they need their rest too. And honestly, those mothers were looking at me with a puzzled face sebab I dont knonw maybe I look tok young to ve a mother (perasan) but I know that look. The look of 'i-know-what-you-did-and-i-pity-you-but-it-was-your-fault-anyway'.
Later at 11 AM, my blood test came out and a team of gynae came and apologize to me for their mistake and I was positively declared as NOT PREGNANT!
Hah! In your face!!!
And surgical team came and they then diagnosed me with the result that I have appendicitis. So I was scheduled for surgery in the afternoon and waktu tu aku memang dah lembik gila sebab sakit gilaaa perut time tu nak straight kan kaki pon tak boleh bhai perut rasa macam nak meletup.
But one thing, that I realised waktu tu that I did not shed any tears during all the drama regardless kena tuduh pregnant, kena keji, sakit perut macam nak mati, but I did shed tears when one of the doctor told me that appendicitis could be dangerous to women as in if it already broke and the puss goes out and travel all the way to the womb/uterus, I could be barren.
At the time, my tears just flowed naturally non stop for the thought that I can't give birth and how it would be very heartbreaking in my later life to convey such news to my hub that he can't have children because my womb was infected due to this appendicitis.
At that moment, I realised I actually have maternal instinct.
My surgery was scheduled at 5 PM and thank God for my speedy recovery, I managed to get discharged early so that I can attend my convocation. I was discharged at 3 PM on Saturday, and my convo was at 12 PM on Sunday!
Haha well, despite having to sit on the wheelchair during basically the entire ceremony, but I managed to WALK with my 6" stillettos pumps while receiving my degree which somehow proven my bimboness and raised some questions among the audience how the hell this woman with wheelchair managed to walk in that shoes?
The power of vainity in a woman, I can say. Kehkeh.
So back to my story at the hospital, after almost 16 hours of sakit perut yang amat sangat, at 5 PM that afternoon I was taken to have my appendix removed and the surgery finished at 8. Turns out my appendicitis has already broke and they took some time to clean up the puss inside.
I am still praying hard that my uterus wont get infected well I guess maybe not lah kot since takde sakit apa pun so far. Kalau infected mestilah ada sakit kan kan kan kan?
Anyhow, the sweet thing was when I opened my eyes I saw my family and my friends all of them were waiting for me, but somehow the first question that popped put of my mouth was,
Thank you for reading, folks!