Apa yang telah Saya Pelajari Dari Raya Tahun Ini.

1. my family is dysfunctional (of course in a funny way!)

2. i don't really like Raya. yes, when it comes to balik kampung cause hella! i didn't even get the chance to do my assignments, sorry my DE group. ;)

3. and of course, i don't really like Raya for the calorie intakes i have, plus the fat intakes and other intakes too.

4. i realize i surely would not have problem for not going back celebrating Raya with my family. because i don't really have the sentimental feelings for gathering with all the sanak saudara thingy. so, future employers, take me, i would love to work on first day of raya. sure. ;)

5. i don't have that little thing over him anymore, the absolute ex. and yes, we smiled, we exchange number (again!), we talked, we asked forgiveness, but that's it. no more blushing, no more hoping. it ends there. im so over you dahling! yay! ;)

6. one thing about the ex, he was much more sensible. he remembered my birthday, and the birthday present i asked him to give me (which i told him about seven months ago?). gosh, he never remember anything when we were together. oh how much he has changed. good for you, boy, good for you. ;)

7. i am good at faking smiles. try me baby.

8. when i was annoyed, you could tell.

9. i still get duit raya by the way.

10. i look younger than my brother. yay!

11. i like the idea of going back to rumah mertua. i believe i would not mind going back and celebrating Raya in my husband's hometown once i get married. haha.

12. i realized i have talent in house chores rather than cooking.

13. i need more shoes.

14. and bags too.

15. i am selfish.

16. instead of happiness, this raya brought me more grieves. (all non-related to XY species)

17. and oh i learned that my favourite cousin, my little boncet Harith Iskandar look alike toddler, really good in poco-poco even he was only one year and a half.

18. i spent my Raya holidays five days in Kedah, two days in Kelantan, two days in Banting, and only one day in my own home sweet home.

19. i can't wait to get driving again.

20. i miss Nemo. i can't wait to have her baby kittens away so i could have the chance of spending time with her alone like we used to before.

21. i love my dysfunctional family, consisting my parents, my brother, and me.

not much to say, well

i have enjoyed my Raya anyways. :) do you?

searching for the lost ones.

i miss the old me.

where are you cold heartless bitch?

i miss you,

please come back to me.

cheers to coming years of responsibility, maturity, and femininity (i'll try my best)

Thanks for all the wishes, God bless to you guys,

my lovely fantastically fabulous friends! ;)

sesungguhnya, saya masih belum pun bersedia untuk bergelar dua puluh tahun, tahun hadapan. i'll try to make the best of my year being nineteen to be EXTRA-MEMORABLE.

and may all my dreams and wishes come true.

amin.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA, everybody. ;)

it's okay, cause i know sometimes reality could really surprised me.

i want you for my birthday present, can i?

please, someone kidnap him, put him in a refrigerator box and wrapped the box with red shiny paper tied with white ribbon and surprised me by putting it in front of my door so that when i

open my door in the morning i could smile happily looking at the present

and

couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the years (only God knows how many years it's going to be)

cause i had him by my side just to keep me accompany.

please.

and, please,

i want another year of being eighteen. i want it all over again. i promise that i would make it as the best year of living and i promise i wont do stupid things anymore,

i promise i wouldn't let my chance slipped away

and i wouldn't let myself be clueless not knowing what to do,

cause i really know what the hell i wanna do.

pretty, pretty please,

i want this Hari Raya to be the happiest Hari Raya ever as i want my phone

keep ringing by his texts coming in,

and for us to be on the phone for hours (which it might not happen even if my cats grow horns on the head),

and us keep in touch with each other letting each other knows what each of us are doing,

smiling over incoming messages, and phone calls.

could i have all these?

could i have what i want, for once?

"you cant always have what you want" - oh goddammit screw the saying!

"aku bagi kau lagu yang aku suka, ya?"

and i just couldn't stop smiling, even in my sleep.

.

duuuuuuddddeeeee, that's not cool.

"the little brother needs some love too"

"appreciate little brother and you got loved"

"do you broke up with him because his performance wasn't good?"

"and she wondered why you sometimes wears boxers and sometimes briefs?"

i heard this in one of Malaysian English radio on one of its night slots. and the dee jay said this to a girl who tried to get back with her boyfriend besides talking about the boyfie's boxers and briefs. the boxers and briefs' part is acceptable lagi, but

HELLO!

this is MALAYSIA, and we don't talk about little brother ON AIR la dude!

SENSITIVITY! SENSITIVITY!

yeah, we talked about those stuffs in public, WITH FRIENDS, but not on air la. and it's a girl (malay girl, and the boyfie named Khairul, sah-sah lah muslim kan), it could be considered as SEXUAL HARASSMENT kut?

oh kalau nak nampak cool sekali pun, please hormat sikit, it's the last nights of Ramadan kut,

or at least, fikir la it's RAMADAN. durhh, seriously tak sensitive langsung.

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bimbo-watch is an activity yang mungkin buat kamu kena sepak.

duration of incident ; less than five minutes.

imaginasi ; sila bayang orked dan anggerik bercakap sambil ketap gigi mulut segala untuk cover konon tak nampak macam mengutuk sambil mata tu tak berapa nak tumpu pada subject of the matter sangat tapi mungkin macam tengok tapi tak tengok macam tu lah, oke sila imagine. and tambah lagi satu benda dalam imaginasi korang, benda ni terjadi waktu orang tengah ramai-ramai beratur dekat kaunter and orked and anggerik just stand at the other side of the counter tu watching people, boleh bayang tak? boleh tak?

anggerik ; orked, agak-agak kau kan, budak sebelah mawar tu lelaki ke perempuan?

orked ; kau rasa?

anggerik ; aku rasa perempuan.

orked ; aku pun confused. aku rasa macam perempuan, tapi nampak macam lelaki.

anggerik ; kau tengok lah tu, dia tak ada halkum pun.

orked ; ha'ah la. muka dia pun macam perempuan.

anggerik ; aku suka perempuan dress up macam lelaki ni. ala ala tomboy, macam sexy je. kalau aku lelaki, dah lama aku ngorat.

orked ; kau ni tah apa-apa tah. tapi dia nampak style kan.

anggerik ; tau tak pe. sempoi gileh.

secara tiba-tiba mawar yang ada di kaunter tengah beratur sebab nak bayar beg baru dia toleh ke arah orked dan anggerik sambil buat muka questioning sambil toleh-toleh ke arah subject of the matter yang membuatkan orked and anggerik terpaksa toleh tempat lain and angkat-angkat kening sambil buat muka "perempuan-ni-suke-bikin-kantoi-la" and bila si mawar kembali bagi perhatian ke kaunter, orked dan anggerik sambung balik.

anggerik ; orked, kau agak-agak apa relation lelaki dengan perempuan tu? suami isteri? tunang? pakwe makwe?

orked ; yang mana?

anggerik ; yang itu, one o'clock.

orked ; ooo yang itu, anak beranak.

anggerik ; pasal apa pulak?

orked ; tu isteri dia tengah bayar kat kaunter tu.

anggerik ; eh, mana kau tahu tu isteri dia?

orked ; OBV!

anggerik ; a'ah ek. hehe tak perasan pulak aku. patut lah muka sama je. apasal la aku tak terfikir diorang tu anak beranak.

mawar ; hoi! mengutuk apa?!

and lepas tu, they just blah. and they don't even know pun siapa manusia yang masih tidak diketahui kejantinaannya itu and siapa keluarga that have been talked about tadi.

***

when girls get together, in pairs or in groups, they tend to do this so called bimbo-watch activities. they talked about people's physical appearance, couple's compatibility, one's fashion sense, guessing people status, and stuffs.

or in other words, this is another type of kepochi-ness. gehehehe.

and that was only just for fun. nothing else. we do love to talk about strangers, isn't it?

annoying kan?

well, do you bimbo-watch too?

bimbo dictionary ;

OBV means OBVIOUSLY. ;)

mood mellow ; aku kibar bendera putih aku, S.

i am not the kind of girl who chase after boy i like. i would like to do so, but it's just i don't have the guts and the courage. i am a girl with a lot of ego. yeah, i am egoistic lil biatch babeh.

the reason why i don't want to chase after the guy i like is, i do not know how to make the first move. cause i might look like a psycho, obsessed, or a desperate groupie. and i don't want that to happen.

now, i've met the boy i truly like, the boy i had my eyes on, the boy i really wanted to have commitment with, the right person at the right moment. and for the first time ever, i made a move, i forget about my ego, i just want to get to know him better.

the flow was nice, it was superb and unexpected. i enjoyed every moment i had with him. even the moments weren't not many to count, but it really could make me smile every time i think about it. i might sound typical girl in love, but well, i guess i am only a typical girl by the way.

we had almost everything in common, i mean, the common interest, we could talk about it for hours and it was fun.

but, i made a wrong move. i did not show my interest very well and there he goes, getting far day by day and now, he almost seem unreachable.

i tried to make everything back to normal again. yes, i admit, we do not have any special relationship, we don't even let each other know how each of us feels. it's just, you know, friends.

he was ordinary, so ordinary, but very special to me. he is not like any other guys out there. he was being himself all this while. being funny, joking around, humorous tales, acting pervert, being a gentle man, and it was adorable to my eyes. indeed.

somehow i think i should just keep the CDs and shouldn't return it until he ask for it. but, thanks to the CDs, we have the chance to sit and ate together. it was nostalgic and unexpected. i might not show it to him, but deep inside, i was damn happy and i want the clock to stop ticking, i want time to freeze so i could spent more time with him.

i love what he did to make the table stop shaking, it was cute, and sweet, and show how gentle man he is. ;)

anyways, things have become history. i just couldn't turn back time. and i could never win his heart again.

well, he might be liking some other girls at the moment. and im not that special girl. i wish him happy by the way.

i don't feel like giving up yet, but i think this is the time i should just call it off. i know where to stop, and this is the right moment.

S @ HB, aku tahu kau tak akan baca post ni pun. kalau kau baca pun, kau tak tahu aku tengah bercerita tentang kau. dol, aku suka kau la. kalau tak, tak ada masa aku nak tegur kau tak tentu hala tau.

aku suka panggil kau dengan nama S, nama penuh kau. sebab nama itu sangat sweet and sedap. sesuai dengan kau. nama pena kau pun comel. kau teruskan lah berkarya ye, aku sokong kau dari belakang. aku mungkin tak sepuitis kau, aku mungkin tak reti nak luahkan perasaan aku. but i know how to write, and this is how aku luahkan perasaan aku.

i might sound pathetic, and i do care bout what you're thinking. i am a human after all, a typical girl who writes mellow things in her blog, who wrote her heart out, and i dont want to be different, cause i somehow just realized that i am soo ordinary. well, i'm just being a girl who has feelings and and feels like to speak her heart out.

and this blog has somehow turned personal and mellow.

durh. semua pasal kau, S.

- comment disabled. i'm not ready for any advises and critics. kalau nak komen jugak, komen di post lain atau chatbox. ;) -

p/s ; S, setiap kali aku dengar lagu Aku dan Kamu by Javidnamah, aku mesti teringat kau. you know why, sebab kau suka lagu tu. ;)

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if you're as adorable as butterflies pun, i still would hate you.

oke tiba-tiba sekarang rasa sangat takut nak duduk dalam bilik dah lah Siti Rosma sudah tidur bergelimpangan so tinggal saya sahaja yang tak tidur lagi sebab konon-konon nak mengorat tapi akhirnya tak jadi mengorat bila tengok status orang tu eh apasal nak cerita kisah saya nak mengorat orang ni? huru-hara betul.

sekarang dah pukul 5 pagi kalau ikut jam laptop saya yang awal sepuluh minit ni, you do the maths saya malas nak tekan kalkulator kira.

tadi saya nampak OH-EMM-GEEEE! ada lipas terbang-terbang kut dalam bilik ni. bodoh punya lipas apasal lah kau nak terbang waktu ni? saya sangat takut dengan lipas terbang sebab rasa dia macam sangat bangang bila terbang-terbang ke hulu ke hilir macam tak ada arah cis cis.

dah lah tadi saya pergi meeting lepas tu tinggal satu donat Big Apple yang Siti Rosma beli semalam letak atas katil lepas tu bila dah habis meeting balik bilik sambung makan balik. sekarang rasa sangat takut mana lah tahu kan lipas tu dah hinggap sekejap ke lick lick donat tu lepas tu belah pergi tempat lain sebab dia tak suka donat yang kena salut dengan cokelat kan lepas tu nanti saya mesti sakit perut tak pun demam panas sebab kena infection ke apa ke paling koman nanti ke cholera ke diarrhea ke, eh eh scaryyy okeh nanti asyik cirit je pergi jamban sumpah akan sangat terseksa.

nasib baik dah habis kan fries cepat-cepat tadi so makhluk lipas tu tak sempat makan fries. bwek bwek. patut lah semalam Siti Rosma cerita ada lipas terbang-terbang tepi telinga dia waktu dia tengah tidur. cool betul buat selamba ada lipas terbang pun boleh sambung tidur, kalau saya sumpah dah menjerit tak pun gasping kuat kuat macam orang tak cukup nafas sebab terkejut oke tengok lipas. lipas memang sangat mengerikan.

euw euw euw euw euw euw!!

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duuuuddddeee, that's not cute.

hypocrisy biatch.

baca balik lah, malas nak ulang banyak-banyak kali benda yang sama.

i don't like to talk about people that is insignificant to me. so i won't bother to write about it pun.

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forget me if you could,

so you've asked,

what kind of girl are you?

i answered,

i am the kind of girl you would love,

for the laugh i have,

for my smiles that shines,

for my eyes that brights,

and i am the kind of the girl you would adore,

for my attitude that appeals,

for my words of wisdom,

for my thinking that differs,

i am the kind of girl you would like,

for the fun i bring,

for the comfort i give,

for the warmth i offer,

i am the kind of girl you would hate,

for my words that stabs deep,

for my whisper that sparks anger,

for my actions that keep you wondering,

but i'm totally the girl you wouldn't forget,

for the fact that i am me,

for trying hard you still couldn't,

that makes you pray what you shouldn't,

and your heart keep telling 'don't!'

and for sure,

you won't,

dare to forget me.

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